we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize