AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
