i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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