I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
