I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
