i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
