can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
