He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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