There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I could fuck to npr.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
