just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
