Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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