It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
