I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
