he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
