thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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