Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
