Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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