Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
