I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
