I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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