We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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