I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
