the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
