Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
