Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize