thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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