capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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