I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
