respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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