It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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