So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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