so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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