Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
