Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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