I'm jealous of your bromance
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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