The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
