cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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