YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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