he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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