it's too hot outside to masturbate.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
