(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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