let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
