I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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