I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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