what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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