Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
