med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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