If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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