I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
