Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
