At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
