That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
