when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
