Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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