Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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