i jhust puked up my retainher.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
