My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
