4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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