Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
