Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
