I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
