I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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